I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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