WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
