somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
