i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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