I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am one with the molecules
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
