he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
