Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
