Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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