how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize