I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
