Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
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