he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
