Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this will be a night to untag.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize