I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
