Who did Billy Mays play for?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize