remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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