I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Houston, we have a squirter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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