your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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