drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
