I wanna bring you to show and tell
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize