Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
