so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
