Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also, beer. Big fan.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
