When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You pole danced in your parka.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize