i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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