She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
