I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
