Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
well you can't waste a boner
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize