I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
