i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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