Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize