I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
