No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
