Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
