Taylor Swift is so right about you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've blown a few things in my day
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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