If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
