Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
