the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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