you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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