I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
