Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
