if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
