shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
