Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
