That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize