someone threw a dead crab at me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
