so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
smell my finger.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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