Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
