okay pat passed out under dana's car
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
