coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize