I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
