I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize