I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
