Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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