Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is this like a preordered booty call?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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