I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
