I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
