I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
from now on my penis is your penis
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
