It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
