Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
