I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
