Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
