Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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