I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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