I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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