He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
