Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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