Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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