Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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