New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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