ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Randomize
