It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
