I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
