I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
