I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
