Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
