nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
