hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
