dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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