they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
