Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
