somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
