Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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