What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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