im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
